


Let There Be Light

by TheAlmightyBagels



Category: Dark (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Because I love the alt world and think it has so much potential to be explored, Canon Disabled Character, Erit Lux is the superior cult, Eva is everyone's mother, Eva's World, Fate, Gen, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, Multi, Noah is a boomer, Pregnancy, Role Reversal, Time Travel, filling in the blanks, more tags may be added, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-21 02:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30014664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAlmightyBagels/pseuds/TheAlmightyBagels
Summary: “This knot has given us all life. And we are its keepers. In both worlds. He’ll never be able to untie the knot, because in all these years he hasn’t understood how everything is really connected.”A series of oneshots based around the alt-world and more specifically around Eva’s group Erit Lux.
Relationships: Bartosz Tiedemann & Regina Tiedemann, Bartosz Tiedemann/Silja Tiedemann, Elisabeth Doppler/Noah | Hanno Tauber, Franziska Doppler/Magnus Nielsen, Jonas Kahnwald/Martha Nielsen, Martha Nielsen & The Unknown, Martha Nielsen/Noah | Hanno Tauber
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	1. The Timeless Ones

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone,
> 
> This is my first fanfic on here. These oneshots will mostly be about Erit Lux but there will be some about the alt world in general because there are some other aspects I want to explore.
> 
> Most will be canon compliant but there will be some ships or storylines that break canon. Unless specified each oneshot stands on its own and if something breaks canon in one chapter this won't apply in the rest.
> 
> I don't know if this needs the graphic depictions of violence tag but I included it to be safe. If a chapter has any specific triggers these will be included in the notes at the bottom.
> 
> Also I own nothing of this series and don't profit from this fanfiction.
> 
> SPOILERS FOR ALL THREE SEASONS (ESPECIALLY SEASON 3)

When it was over, Martha found herself in a bathroom somewhere within the confines of the underground temple. The rusty taps only gave out a pitiful dribble of water, and there was hardly enough light to see by. But it was enough to make out, in the cracked mirror on the wall, her own shattered reflection. The skin around the knife-slash on her face was red and inflamed, crusted over with dried blood. The wound itself took up most of her left cheek. There would be no hiding it once it scarred over. It would mark her forever. _You belong to us_ , it said, _now you can never forget that._

Martha cupped her hands under the tap and splashed water over her face, ignoring the sting of pain it brought, then ran her fingers through her hair. Then she leaned against the sink, breathing heavily. No, now she could never forget which side she belonged to. Not after what she had done.

She closed her eyes, and the image of Jonas appeared in her mind, lying there bleeding, with her younger self weeping over his fallen body. Collapsing against the sink, she let out a sob. She had killed him. The boy she loved. Jonas. She had raised the gun on him and pulled the trigger. He was dead because of her. And the worst thing was how easy it had been. The decision had seemed so natural, like it was meant to be. She had wondered, in the moments before, if her body would take over once she got there, and she would be just like a spectator watching the inevitable play out. But every single action had been awfully, agonizingly her own. Whatever argument could be made about free will, it had been her own hand that spilled Jonas’s blood. And her own decision to do so.

When she re-entered the main chamber, she found her older self staring at the remains of the painting of Adam and Eva. It had been set alight at some point in the years since this place had been abandoned, and there was little left of the original image. The whole building stood in ruin now, the floor covered in sand from the desert above, sheets thrown carelessly over tables and chairs, and a single beam of sunlight drifting down from the hole the apocalypse had blown in the ceiling. Martha wondered absent-mindedly whether the whole thing was in danger of collapsing in on them, leaving them as just another set of corpses left by the apocalypse, to be dug up by scientists a hundred years in the future.

“Come.” Her older self said, and she walked over to stand beside her. Right where the family tree had once been engraved, where Jonas had lain bleeding. If the older woman felt any remorse thinking about that now, she didn’t show it. Martha reached into the pocket of her long black coat, and pulled out the pendant that Jonas had pressed into her hands as he took his final breath. In her mind his blood still cling to the metal, even though she had obsessively wiped it clean a long time ago. She ran her thumb over the figure of St. Christopher, wondering if this was how Lady Macbeth felt in the play. She couldn’t help but remember then that in the play, Lady Macbeth had gone mad and thrown herself off a tower to her death. Martha shivered.

“He had to die.” Her older self said, as if to reassure her. “The two of you are wrong. …In his world. And in ours.”

Martha looked up at the painted faces of Adam and Eva. All that remained of them now were their heads and shoulders. She slipped the pendant back inside her pocket, letting the string run through her fingers.

“I know what you’re feeling.” Her older self continued. “But you’ll learn to let him go. Everything will run its course, just as fate determined. In his world, and in ours.” 

Subconsciously, Martha’s hand moved to her belly. The seed growing inside her was just another link in this never-ending chain. One link that was the difference between everything and nothing. All it would take was that one link to be broken, and the whole chain would fall to pieces. It frightened her, the thought of everything hinging on her in that way.

“Come.” Her older self said. “Today is the day of the apocalypse. There is much that needs to be done. And the others have been waiting to meet you for a long time.”

“The… others?” She asked. “Who are they?”

“Erit Lux.” Her older self said. “Our organisation has many members fighting to preserve the knot and ensure all of our survival. In time they’ll become like a family to you. And you’ll come to lead them.”

 _All of our survival? Or the survival of the few privileged enough to be saved from the apocalypse?_ Martha thought. It didn’t matter though, because her older self was already walking away in the direction of the portal they had arrived through. The god particle, Eva had called it. God, Adam and Eva, the Triquetra, the Ouroboros… It seemed Martha’s oldest self still had her taste for the theatrics. Tucking her hair behind her ears, Martha turned to follow her older self.

In a small side room next door to the room containing the god particle, a small group had gathered. There were five people in total: an older man, a woman, two men who looked to be around her father’s age, and a boy of about seventeen. They were all in the process of putting on those strange black radiation suits, and when Martha and her older self entered they all looked around. Martha shifted subconsciously, and fiddled with the sleeve of her coat.

“Everyone.” Her older self said. “You all know who this is. Be nice to her.” Then she walked over to the corner and started putting on her own suit.

“Hi…” Martha said nervously.

“Welcome to Erit Lux.” The older man said, walking up and shaking her hand. “I’m Egon Tiedemann. This is my daughter, Claudia.” He gestured to the woman. “That’s Noah…” He pointed to the taller of the two men. “And that…” He pointed to the teenaged boy. “Is also Noah. And that is…” He pointed to the other man, whose face Martha immediately recognised despite the age difference.

“Bartosz.” She said.

“Hey.” He folded his arms and smiled awkwardly at her.

“So uh…” She tugged on her sleeve, feeling suddenly incredibly nervous. She had already known Bartosz was working for Eva now, but she hadn’t been expecting to meet his older self today.

“It’s nice to see you.” He said, before shuffling awkwardly away. Before Martha could react, the red-haired woman Egon had introduced as Claudia was aggressively shaking her hand. “Claudia Tiedemann. It’s so great to have you here.” She said.

“Wait, Claudia Tiedemann?” Martha said, suddenly realising why she recognised the name. “Are you… Bartosz’s grandmother? Regina’s mother?”

Claudia nodded slowly. Martha wanted to ask her how she’d come to be here, and why she had abandoned Bartosz’s mother all those years ago. But before she could form a sentence, she found herself face to face with the brown-haired teenager.

“Noah, right?” She said as he shook her hand. 

“Yeah.” He pointed at the taller man. “And that’s my older self. It’s… weird. But I guess you know what that’s like.”

She nodded. Noah glanced over at Bartosz.

“You already know my father?”

Martha gaped at him. “Bartosz is your father? You’re… Bartosz’s son?”

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“Oh my god.” She ran a hand through her hair. Somehow that news was almost more surprising than anything else she’d seen today. “Bartosz is my best friend. I’ve known him since I was five.”

Noah smiled. “He speaks very highly of you.”

“Everyone!” A voice called out, and the room instantly fell silent. Martha turned to see Eva walking into the room. “The time has come. You all know your missions. Let’s go.”

“What does that mean?” Martha asked Noah as the others began to file out of the room.

“It means the apocalypse is coming.” He said with a smirk. “Come on.” And he disappeared through the door. Martha hurried to follow him.

Martha and Eva were the last ones to go through the god particle. She had stood and watched as one by one, the others were all sent off, each on separate missions to make sure the apocalypse went smoothly. Her other older self had been sent off too, leaving only the two of them. Martha wondered, when their time finally came, where they would end up. What part she would be forced to play in the end of the world. But when they stepped out of the portal she found that they were back in the dark, wood-panelled lodge where just hours ago she had killed Jonas. She suddenly felt exhausted and weak, and had to fight the urge to cry. She wouldn’t give Eva the satisfaction of seeing her break down.

“This is the year 1920.” Eva said, leading her through the halls. “This building was built in the 1800’s by a man who thought he could travel through time. Now it belongs to us. It serves as Erit Lux’s headquarters. This place, as well as the Doppler bunker, is also our outpost in the future. We have several other bases across the timeline as well. This is where you’ll live from now on.”

Martha nodded distractedly. She didn’t have the energy to argue anymore.

“Tomorrow, the others will start to return. Your older self will be in charge of your orientation. I’ll show you to your room now.” As she spoke, they passed through the main chamber, and Martha found her eyes drawn automatically to the spot on the floor where the family tree was engraved. Jonas’s body was gone, and someone had scrubbed his blood from the floor. She wondered where he had been buried, and by who. She looked away.

“This is your bedroom.” Eva said as they came to a door down the corridor from the main chamber. “I’ll leave you to get settled in. I’ll be in my office if you need anything.” She gestured to another door further down the corridor.

“Thank you.” Martha said. Eva placed a hand on her shoulder, before turning and walking away. She set her hand on the door handle and walked inside. 

Her new room was large, with a four-poster bed, a dressing table and a wardrobe. Everything was black and grey, just like the rest of the underground mansion, and there were no windows, but the room was dimly lit by a pair of old-fashioned electric lamps. Across the room, another door opened onto a small bathroom. The room was cold, and although someone must have dusted it recently, disuse hung in the air. It felt spacious and unfriendly, like the chamber of some medieval princess. But all things considered, it could have been a lot worse.

She crossed the room and ran a finger over the wooden surface of the dressing table, picking up a few specks of dust. She threw open the wardrobe, and used the stool that was perched in the corner to adjust the lamps, letting a little more light into the room. Then she turned to the bed. On top of the covers was a pile of clothes and other things, along with a note. No, not just clothes, she realised. They were her clothes. Her t-shirts and jeans, some of her underwear, and even her favourite baggy jumper. Her toothbrush was there too, and her makeup bag. Shocked, she picked up the jumper and held it to her chest. The soft fabric was comforting and familiar. She picked up the note to read it.

_I brought these here from your house before you arrived. I figured it would be nice to have something familiar in this place._

_-Noah._

She collapsed into a sitting position on the edge of the bed, bringing a shaking hand to her face. Noah had brought her clothes from her house. The strange boy who she had only met once had gone out of his way to make her feel comfortable on her first night in an unknown place. After losing her virginity, learning she was pregnant, watching her first love die and then being the one to kill him all within the space of three days, the simple gesture meant more to her than she could put into words. Clutching the note between trembling fingers, she finally let herself cry.


	2. Pieces on a chessboard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The war we’re fighting is like a game of chess. A huge, interdimensional game, but still a game. One side…” She gestured to her own pieces. “Is us. The other, Adam and Sic Mundus. We are the light, they are the shadow.”
> 
> “And what makes you so sure that your side is the right side? That Adam is the bad guy you think he is?”
> 
> “Adam wants to destroy the knot and everything within it.” Her older self said. “Including all our lives. Not just the life of your son, but everyone else in our world, and in his.”
> 
> On her first day with Erit Lux, Martha meets some familiar faces, and her older self teaches her to play chess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, commented or left kudos on this fic so far. This chapter is the second part to Martha’s introduction to Erit Lux and after this I will be starting to write about other things. Enjoy!

When she woke up the next morning, Martha was briefly confused to find herself in a four-poster bed in an unfamiliar room. She sat up, and almost cried out at the pain in her face. She remembered sitting in the bathroom the previous night while Eva cleaned the wound and put a plaster over it. Shifting stiffly in her huge new bed, she found that the plaster had come off in the night, and was lying on her pillow. It was soaked in blood.

She climbed out of bed and shuffled into the bathroom, one hand over her left cheek and the other leaning on the doorframe. The first aid kit was still on the floor, and she bent to pick it up. Then she took a damp towel and did her best to wipe away some of the dried blood on her face, biting down on her lip and steeling herself against the pain. When it became too much, she took a large strip of plaster from the first aid kit and stuck it gingerly over the cut on her face. Then she took two painkillers and swallowed them with some water from the sink. While she waited for them to take effect, she regarded herself in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, the clothes they had given her were creased, and there were huge bags under her eyes. She looked more like a zombie than a human. Soon, as the pain began to ease, another sensation took over. Hunger. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten, and she was absolutely starving. Breathing through the pain in her face, she straightened up and left her room in search of something to eat.

After wandering around the empty halls of Erit Lux’s headquarters for almost ten minutes, Martha finally found the kitchen. It looked just like the office kitchen at the police station where her father worked, so much so that Martha was half expecting to see a sign on the wall saying “Your mother doesn’t work here. Wash up after yourself.” There were even several modern appliances, including a coffee machine and a small fridge. Martha wondered what on earth was powering them in the year 1920. Her stomach rumbled, and she walked over and opened the fridge door. There was nothing inside except for a bottle of milk and some sandwiches wrapped in cling film that turned out to be peanut butter and marshmallow. The cupboards contained nothing but gravy granules and some mouldy bread.

_Who is in charge of buying food here?_ Martha wondered to herself, reluctantly taking one of the sandwiches. She hated peanut butter, but she was so hungry that she didn’t really care. Before she knew it she was devouring the sandwich.

“Hey! Those are my sandwiches.” A voice said. She turned to see Noah leaning against the doorframe, his arms folded.

“Noah.” She said. “You made these? What are you, twelve?”

“And a half.” He said, crossing the room and grabbing the half-eaten sandwich from her hand.

“Hey!” She said, but she could feel a smile tugging at her lips. 

“Good morning.” Noah said, leaning against the kitchen counter and finishing the sandwich in two bites. “Or should I say good afternoon.”

Martha felt her face go red. “What time is it?”

“Half three in the afternoon.” Noah said. “When I got back Eva said you were still sleeping. That was two hours ago.”

_Oh god_ , Martha thought. _I can’t believe I slept that long._ “Is everyone back already?” She said out loud.

“Everyone that’s coming back today.” He put a hand on the fridge door. “This place is usually better stocked. We take it in turns to do the shopping. Someone usually forgets when it’s their turn though.”

Martha gestured to the sandwiches wrapped in cling-film. “You can’t get half of this stuff in the 1920’s.” She said. “Am I supposed to believe you guys use a time machine just to get groceries?”

Noah shrugged. “Is there a better use for a time machine?” He crossed the room, pausing in the doorway. “Oh, by the way. Your older self wants to see you in her study.”

Martha sighed. “Thanks.” She said to Noah.

“No problem.” He turned to go.

“Wait, Noah!” She called after him. He turned back.

“Yeah?”

“Could you, um… show me where it is?”

They stopped outside a door that looked very much like all the other doors in this place, down a corridor that was almost identical to the one leading to Martha’s room. Noah knocked twice on the door.

“Come in!” A voice called through the door. 

“Well, see you around.” Noah said, and turned to walk away. Too late, she thought to thank him for bringing her her stuff the day before. But when she turned to call after him, he was already gone. She set her hand on the door and walked into the study.

Her older self was sat at a large desk facing the door. The desk was littered with paper and books, and to her left was the golden sphere used to travel between worlds. In front of her was a chessboard. An empty chair was drawn up on the other side of the table.

“Martha. Thank you for joining me.” Her older self said. “Can you play chess?”

Martha folded her arms. “You are me, aren’t you? You tell me. Can I play chess?”

Her older self smiled briefly. “Sit down.”

Martha took a seat in the chair opposite her older self. “I know some of the moves.” She said. “But I’ve never played it before. At least, not that I can remember.”

Her older self pushed the board forwards until it was in the middle of the desk. “White moves first.” She said, and picked up one of her own pawns, moving it two squares forward. “Now you move.”

Martha looked down at the board. Magnus had played chess with their father once, when they were little. Martha vaguely remembered sitting on the floor and watching them play. She moved one of her own pawns, mirroring the move her older self had made. “I don’t understand.” She said. “I thought this was meant to be… orientation.” That was the word Eva had used. “Why are you teaching me to play chess?”

“Because when I first joined Erit Lux, my older self taught me to play chess. And Eva was the same. And her older self before her, and her older self before her. That’s how it always happened, so that’s how it will continue to happen.” She moved her pawn forward into the space where Martha’s had been, and took Martha’s pawn off the board. “The war we’re fighting is like a game of chess. A huge, interdimensional game, but still a game. One side…” She gestured to her own pieces. “Is us. The other, Adam and Sic Mundus. We are the light, they are the shadow.”

“And what makes you so sure that your side is the right side? That Adam is the bad guy you think he is?”

“Adam wants to destroy the knot and everything within it.” Her older self said. “Including all our lives. Not just the life of your son, but everyone else in our world, _and_ in his.”

“No.” Martha shook her head. “No, you’re wrong. Jonas wanted to save both worlds. Why would he be trying to destroy them?”

“Jonas was naive.” Her older self cut in. “And optimistic. His naivete will be lost eventually. His optimism will turn into bitterness and hate. He lost his Martha. He was stranded for 33 years in the apocalypse, and then again in the 19th century. It destroyed him. That’s how a man becomes desperate enough to want to end everything.”

Martha looked down at her hands. Tears stung her eyes.

“It’s better this way.” Her older self said, her voice softening in something like an attempt to be comforting. “This way he never has to become that person.”

“So…” Martha choked on her tears. “So his only options are to become a monster or to die at eighteen? It… it’s not fair.” She felt like a child complaining about being made to go to bed early. She could cry and scream and stamp her feet, but it would do no good. The universe could not be bargained with.

“No. No, it’s not.” Her older self said, and for the first time there was a hint of vulnerability in her voice. 

_She loved him once too_ , Martha thought. _And she lost him too._ She looked up. The chessboard was still sat between them, entirely forgotten about. Blinking the tears from her eyes, she picked up her queen and moved it forward, capturing her older self’s pawn. When she placed it down on the table, the sound echoed through the room. “What do I have to do?” She asked.

Four hours later, her older self finally let her go, with the promise they’d pick up again the next day. Her mind was reeling, and all she wanted was to go back to her room and be alone. But as she entered the main chamber, she bumped into three familiar faces. Bartosz was standing with his arms folded, looking awkwardly over at Noah as the other boy spoke. Trailing behind them, looking downcast, was Franziska Doppler’s little sister.

“Martha!” Elisabeth said, and before Martha could react the girl had put her arms around her and was hugging her. She hugged back briefly, then pulled away.

“Elisabeth.” She said. “I… I can’t believe you’re alive!” 

“What happened to your face?” Elisabeth asked, her eyes wide as she saw the plaster on Martha’s face.

“It’s nothing.” She said. “Just a scratch. What are you doing here?”

Elisabeth looked over her shoulder, at Noah. “He brought me here.” She said. “He said the world was ending. We waited all night in the bunker, and when we came out…” her lip wobbled, and a tear spilled down her cheek.

“Everything was gone.” Martha filled in for her.

“He… he said that my f-f-family were all dead.” She said. “Then he took out this golden sphere and brought me here. Mama, papa, Franziska… all of them…”

Martha wrapped her arms around Elisabeth and hugged her tightly. “I know.” She said. She thought of her mother, and Magnus and Mikkel, and even her father, all dead in the apocalypse. And she had done nothing. She had allowed it to happen. She stroked Elisabeth’s hair, hoping to afford the younger girl even an ounce of the comfort that she hadn’t been given. “It’s going to be okay.” She whispered with all the conviction she could muster. Elisabeth nodded and stepped back, wiping her eyes and returning to Noah’s side.

“I’m starving.” Bartosz said, to change the subject. “Is there anything edible in this entire place?”

Martha looked accusingly at Noah. He looked thoughtful. “Actually, when we’re not here my father and I have a set of rooms at the local tavern. I work there too. We could go get dinner there, maybe stay and have a drink?”

“Noah, Elisabeth’s only eleven.” Martha reminded him. “And I’m…” She couldn’t bring herself to say the word _pregnant_. Even thinking it made her feel like the floor had opened up beneath her feet. She looked over at Bartosz, wondering how much he knew. The expression on his face told her enough.

Noah shrugged. “Fine, just dinner then. It will still be better than peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches.”

At that Martha gave a small laugh. “Okay.” She said. “I’m up for that.”

Bartosz cleared his throat. “Me too.” He said. They all turned to Elisabeth. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, she nodded.

“Great.” Noah said. “But if we’re going into town, we’re going to need to dress appropriately.”

Half an hour later, Martha and the others stood in the square outside the building that was Winden’s tavern. It was a chilly November evening, and the fresh air filled her lungs, a pleasant shock to her system after being underground for so long. They were all dressed to fit in with the small hanseatic town: the two boys in plain shirts and suspenders, Bartosz with his hair tied back in a ponytail, Martha in a simple grey dress, and Elisabeth in a blouse and skirt. Martha wore her Saint Christopher pendant proudly around her neck, and she had brushed her hair and even put on a little makeup in the 1920s style, like she’d seen in movies. All her life she had dreamed of becoming an actress. She supposed this was the closest she would ever get now.

“Shall we?” Noah asked the group. Martha looked over at him. Now he was standing next to Bartosz, dressed in the same clothes, she could see it. She stifled a laugh.

“What? What’s so funny?” Bartosz asked.

“I don’t know how I didn’t notice it before.” She said. “How alike you two look. It’s obvious once you know.”

Bartosz looked over at Noah, alarm in his eyes. Too late, Martha wondered if she was supposed to be keeping Noah’s parentage a secret from Bartosz.

“Oh god- What have I done?” She took a step backwards, her hands covering her mouth. But Noah only laughed. Bartosz turned to look at her.

“It’s fine.” He said. “I know. About… Noah being my son.”

Martha breathed a sigh of relief. Bartosz still had that look on his face, but now she could see that it was discomfort, not confusion. And no wonder. Martha had felt the same way when she met her middle-aged son.

“Come on.” Noah said. “Let’s go in.”

Martha said nothing, terrified at the thought that she could have ruined Erit Lux’s entire mission with just a few careless words. Instead she looped her arm through Bartosz’s, and together they walked up the steps to the tavern. 

It was crowded and busy inside. Men and women in worn and dirty farming clothes sat around tables, drinking from glass pitchers, talking animatedly over bowls of stew or simply eating in silence. A bright, motherly-looking woman stood behind the bar, smiling as she stirred the contents of a huge metal pot over the stove. As the four newcomers stood in the doorway, a girl of about Elisabeth’s age, wearing a dress that might have once been blue but had long since been washed to rags, raced over to them and threw her arms around Noah’s neck.

“Hanno!” She cried, hugging him fiercely, before turning to look at the other three. “Who are these people?”

“These are my friends.” Noah said, wrapping an arm around the girl’s shoulder. “Guys, this is my little sister, Agnes.” He ruffled her hair affectionately. She glared at him and wriggled out of his grip.

“Hanno!” The woman at the bar called from across the room. “This is a surprise. I thought you were busy with your family’s business.” Martha noticed a slight emphasis on the word _business_. That was one word for what Erit Lux was, she guessed.

“My friends here are travellers. I thought I’d impress them with a meal from the best cook in Winden.”

“Alright, alright. But that’ll be 10 marks. Don’t think just because you work here that you don’t have to pay.” Erna said, and began serving out portions of steaming hot stew into four bowls. Noah placed a handful of notes down on the table, and they took their food and found a quiet table at the back where they could talk without being overheard.

“ _Hanno_?” Martha asked, nudging Noah with her elbow. He glared at her.

“Shut up.” He said.

“Is that your real name?”

“Yes, that’s my real name, okay. Now…” He pointed his spoon at her. “Never call me that again.”

Martha rolled her eyes, picking up her spoon and tucking into her stew. It was delicious, hot and filling and crucially not made of sugar and peanuts. Bartosz wasn’t eating, she noticed. Instead he was watching the small figure of Agnes as she made her way around the tables. “You have a sister?” He asked Noah in a low voice. “I… have a daughter?”

Noah nodded. “She’s a little devil sometimes. I love her really though.”

“She seemed nice.” Elisabeth said. “Is she part of Erit Lux too?”

“Not yet. She wants to be in the future though.” Noah said. They all fell silent as a man passed their table on the way to the bar. Once he was out of earshot Noah leant in closer, whispering. “By the way, Erna knows all about Erit Lux. Eva sends her money to keep the inn afloat when times are hard. But no one else here knows, so don’t breathe a word about time travel to any of them.”

Martha nudged him again. “Whatever you say, _Hanno_.”

“Fuck you.” Noah said lightheartedly.

The next morning, Martha woke up with a splitting headache that followed her all day. Through breakfast (toast and coffee, thankfully someone had restocked the kitchen); through a morning with Bartosz trying to learn their way around the underground mansion; through her lesson with her older self, about the specific events leading to the apocalypse and their individual significance; and finally, through another game of chess. She lost miserably. She blamed it on the headache.

The next day, after several hours spent studying the family tree, they played again. And again, she lost. She blamed it on the dream she had had the previous night, where she was locked in a cage and Jonas came to free her, but as he put the key in the lock it turned to black goo that burnt through the bars, her clothes and finally her skin. The next night she dreamt that the same black goo was growing from her womb. And the next, that she was pressed against a glass wall that would not break no matter how hard she beat at it, while her mother and brothers reached for her with bent fingers and broken nails. Every time, she woke up screaming in a bed that was too big for her and too cold.

“You’re not paying enough attention.” Her older self said after she’d lost her seventh game in a row. “You could have escaped that easily.”

Martha rolled her eyes. “This isn’t exactly a fair setup.” She pointed out. “You’ve already seen this from my perspective. You know everything I’m going to do.”

Her older self laughed. “You think I can remember the exact moves I made in a game of chess I played 33 years ago? My memory isn’t _that_ good.”

No, of course not. Martha immediately felt stupid for suggesting it. She rested her hands on her belly, a mannerism that she was subconsciously adopting, and met her older self’s gaze across the table. “Will I ever beat you?” She asked.

Her older self shrugged. “You’ll find out eventually. If you stop worrying about the past and start focusing on where you are now.”

“Coming from a woman who spends her time teaching her younger self an outdated board game that has no practical use other than a vague metaphor to help me to understand why the past and future need to be preserved.”

That earned a smile from the older woman. Martha wished that the confidence she had spoken with was truly her own. After a week of nightmares and broken sleep, she felt like a shadow of her former self.

“Let’s move on.” Her older self said, pushing the chessboard aside. “I thought today we’d continue with our discussion about the different methods of time travel. Today we’ll focus on…” She sorted through the stacks of paper on the desk to her right. “The properties of the god particle. Okay?”

Martha nodded, reaching for the notebook she’d been using to take notes from her older self’s lessons. It was already half full of her cramped handwriting. That was something at least that she and Eva had in common; every inch of the old woman’s office down the hall from Martha’s bedroom was covered in maps and charts scrawled in the same messy hand. She had been in there a few times and seen Eva busy at work, deciding exactly what needed to be done in order to preserve the timeline. When she watched her future self at work like that, it seemed like a noble enough goal. At least, Eva seemed to believe firmly in it. Martha couldn’t imagine having that kind of faith ever again.

When the lesson was over, Martha got up from her chair and walked over to the door. As she reached for the door handle, her older self called her name. She turned around to see the woman looking at her. 

“Yes?”

“You chose the right side.” Her older self said. “Never believe anything else.”

They were the same person. She knew the way those words cut deep into Martha’s heart. Had probably chosen them for that exact reason. She left the room without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moves played by Martha and her older self are an actual chess opening I read about in a book. I actually learnt to play chess recently and I loved the idea of Martha teaching it to her younger self which is why I wanted to write this. 
> 
> I also love the idea of Noah having the tastebuds of a five year old when it comes to 21st century food. I feel like he would definitely eat peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches.
> 
> In Adam’s world Elisabeth is 8 in 2019, but canonically the young kids were all slightly older in the alt world due to the actors having aged so I made Elisabeth 11 in this.
> 
> Also I feel like Agnes and Elisabeth would end up being quite good friends due to them being the same age and the youngest of everyone in Erit Lux. Will I write anything with them in the future? Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> Possible triggers for this chapter: a character is shot dead. Fairly graphic description of an injury. Brief mention of pregnancy.
> 
> Thank you all for reading. Please comment your thoughts as I love hearing from you guys.


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